Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I am not alone and alive!
A month or so before I returned to Hong Kong, I was there, sitting in my room carved out of a garage with nothing but me and my bowl of noodle and laptop, typing away my cover letters and sending out my resumes to numerous companies in a conquest to enter the mouth of the corporate beast and fight my way through the once-splendid human remains of its digestive system. Fear was there, but hope was also, as naïve as it may be.
My homecoming flight of 9 hours was nevertheless filled with anticipation, with tours of Chinese people positioned and ready while awaiting the command to unleash chaos and leave the cabin with counts of collateral damage. However, things could not have been more different, the cabin was dumbstruck, well at least I was. Soon enough I realized the weight of reality that will hit me once I land my feet back on HKG stripped of its former glory.
Alike the Israelites’ fear of the warriors across the Jordan River, my spirit was down just because of the sheer size of the tasks ahead. The enemy soon enough surrounded me with ease without any chance of retreat. My head closed in on itself; with doubt paralyzing the senses, where finding your line of thought is similar to finding a colored speck of sand in the vast stretches of the unforgiving desert. Thoughts, experiences, and values I once held as representatives of my life are dispersed like ink in water. Senseless and shell-shocked, added mockery of self-blame was the edge of the cliff; near total loss between God and myself.
Unwilling to give up on me, God reinforced me with this verse during fellowship. Luke 24:13-35 recounts Jesus Christ’s appearance to two men filled with misery after the events in Calvary. Along the road, while the two still didn’t recognize Him, Jesus spoke out to them with a reproachful yet anticipatory tone 「How foolish you are, and how slow to heart to believe all that the prophets have spoken! Did not Christ have to suffer these things and then enter his glory? And beginning with Moses and all the Prophets, he explained to them what was said in all the Scriptures concerning himself.」 (Luke 24:25-27) (NIV 1984). After the two finally recognized Him during supper, they realized how even though they did not know God was working amongst them then, they nevertheless felt renewed and alive with passion.
The miracle is this: God is with you no matter what, even if you know it or not, even if you believe it or not, working in your hearts to give you life. Amen! Oh, how quickly was I to forget God’s presence and glory, and how easily man stray aimlessly between the extremities of pride and doubt when it is not man’s selfish and ignorant deeds in which Christ’s salvation aimed to inspire. The temptation to succumb to our shortcomings and sufferings is a winner for Satan, while all along what’s most valuable could have been sustainably cultured by focusing on God’s idea of man. In NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming), it indicates that problem-oriented thinking (e.g. finding blame and fault on self and others) results in deadlock and numbing of senses, whereas, outcome-oriented thinking (i.e. how to reach your preferred outcome) results in success. Likewise, situations are placed in front of you; instead of dwelling on what you’re missing, the point is to find the best possible and realistic way to reach the desired outcome. Apostle Paul once said God put each one of us at the exact time and place He wanted us to be so that we could seek Him, reach out for Him and find Him, even though He isn’t far from each of us. So, come to think of it, whatever we’re in, good or bad, are blessings that are plain or in disguise, as all come to be advantageous to your seeking of God and, thus, life. This would require the act of doing – the ball is in your hands, and not shriveling in your own world, to fill in the gaps.
Personally, knowing the numerous bruises and scars from my spiritual struggles and 「defeats」, purpose of life is to ignite our sensitivity towards our relationship with the Holy Spirit, God, and Jesus Christ. It is to provide the high definition version of hope in our life vision by His grace and to live in the ocean of God’s embrace. It is to know that God is with you no matter what, so as to empower us every day with this unrivaled yet humbling sense of kinship, whilst having the sense of urgency that is similar to the prodigal son’s desperation to reconcile with his father. It is to live life out of God’s perspective – through His looking glass of us instead of our own. It is to truly live and, voila, have never-dying life!
So, don’t worry and don’t panic. Breathe slowly, think the situation out, and pray expectantly for what He wants you to do in this situation, and then act accordingly. The outcome is to establish God’s will on earth. And part of it is for you to live a truth-fed life. Remember, to spread the love also; you never know how God can use it to his advantage. In 1 Thessalonians 2:11-12 (MSG), Paul warmly puts it: 「With each of you we were like a father with his child, holding your hand, whispering encouragement, showing you step-by-step how to live well before God, who called us into his own kingdom, into this delightful life.」
I am always amazed with God’s love for me. Undoubtedly, God seriously wants me to become a red-packet of love. All we got to do is relax and ponder Him, and let all that lovely energy flow through you. Knowing that God is with us, we might not even realize that we’re walking in the valley of the shadow of death. 😛
All Glory to God, Amen.
In God,
Yi Hang
7th, Sept. 2011
失落仍喜樂 禁諺
為何失落時仍然會喜樂? 這一個問題是一位前輩用來去審視筆者. 筆者突然很想去探討這話題, 正因為筆者面對著失落, 在失落的同時仍想跟大家分享, 因為驛站的傳遞不是因為我們何時歡喜才出現, 上帝給我們在人生的經歷上不曾間斷, 或喜或忙筆者仍然願意將生命分享.
喜樂何來? 筆者認為這確實因人而異, 實難斷言, 固筆者想分享個人信仰上經歷的喜樂, 一個在從安慰中的樂, 一個不因環境影響之樂, 或許可能大家都心裡在想」是不是又是說禱告」. 對, 確實如此, 只有上父是我們隨時的幫助, 上帝應許我們的正正就是當我們累不可耐, 心力交綷之時, 可以在祂身上得到安息, 上帝應許不是口肚溫飽, 祂要提醒我們的是要有永生的盼望, 這個才是喜樂之源, 在學業與事奉上都走下坡之時, 上帝不忘提醒孩子, 「要知道思想喜樂之源」.
這不是紙上談兵的簡單, 單是筆者已經耗了自己八個星期時期, 但我仍要盼望, 仍要依賴上帝, 這己不是孩子能獨獨面對. 所以才想在此分享, 與此同時亦很想跟大家分享的是在」失落中」 仍然能想得起上帝, 仍然能依靠上帝. 筆者不知道弟兄姊妹的經歷, 然而筆者每每都是從跌倒時, 要自己去思想上帝所施的恩典, 而這個」思想」 筆者是由詩歌開始, 詩歌帶領孩子走回信主的經歷, 上帝給了孩子的應許, 每每都是信實的, 叫孩子心中無可動搖.
之前說的是從內以發, 而從外的亦是關鍵, 那就是我們每一個身為基督徒的責任, 永遠都不要放棄身邊的弟兄姊妹, 我們每一個都肩負著挽回的責任, 很可能是誘發一個人回心向著上帝. 既然每一個人都有喜有落, 我們更應記念在低谷是的弟兄姊妹, 那需要更大的愛去包容去愛護, 而不是更大的石頭, 這就是上帝賜與我們可享的肢體之樂. 這就是筆者在信仰路上領受的次於上帝安慰之樂的肢體之樂, 筆者經歷無數次停止在團契聚會, 以為可以更加去與神單獨交往, 其實只是更斷絕上帝」出手」的機會.
為以上一切的話感恩, 因為上帝讓我終於靜下來, 可能也很語無倫次, 但祂最後使我安慰. 弟兄姊妹, 在失落中要記著天父與我們是同在呀, 也要尋找安慰心靈軟弱的人, 他可能就在你旁邊閱讀著驛站, 心裡一直在等待著; 抓著他的心也抓緊祂的手, 在祂面前為他禱告吧.